Rangers-Celtic

On your visit to Glasgow it is probable that you will be confronted by some sort of Rangers/Celtic rivalry, be it the blood and violence of a match day or the simple sectarian chanting of one ned to another. No matter what form it takes, it is essential to have at least a little knowledge of this rivalry.

ya basturts

"moan then ya pricks"

There is a major sectarian factor involved with this rivalry. Rangers are the Protestant team and Celtic are the Catholic team (yes, I know there are technicalities surrounding this but do you think the people using it as an excuse to batter each other have and knowledge of these technicalities? No, so shut it). This has deep historical roots, which I can't be bothered explaining right now but basically what it means is that the fans of both clubs have a good reason to beat the crap out of each other at every opportunity.

If you ever have the misfortune of being in Glasgow on a match day, it is advisable to stay indoors for that whole day since it is likely outside you'll find some extremely disgruntled fans of the losing team looking for a fight or some extremely drunk and happy fans of the winning team...looking for a fight.

How can you spot these people? Well it isn't too hard. All celtic fans will be carrying Irish flags and wearing green, and all Ranger fans will be carrying Union flags or Red Hand of Ulster flags and wearing blue. Both sets of fans will generally be carrying buckfast and some may be carrying knives or screw-drivers or hammers. If you see any large groups of these people it is advisable to steer clear of them.

On non match days the only real perpetrators of sectarian violence are the neds who will swan around the city centre wearing either a Rangers top or a Celtic top looking for another ned with the opposing team's top on, and call him either a 'fenian bastard' or an 'orange prick' before embarking on some knife crime. If you see any of these people, it is best to let them go about their business and view from afar. They are a novelty to observe but shouldn't be approached.

Throughout this page I have refered to Rangers first and Celtic second. Please note that this is not because I prefer Rangers over Celtic and if you really cared that I wrote Rangers first and thought that I was making any sort of point you really need to get out more.