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This picture contains some common neds who have obviously asked someone on the street to go and buy them five beers so they can get completely "guttered". This will change to 15 beers when they get back to school. If they go to school. We also have a total "Robert DeNiro" from the dressed ned wanabe on the left. Another thing common to most ned photographs is the guy who appears to be telling us how big something is. The guy in the space suit at the back is a good example. What's so big?

This photograph contains a common ned, perhaps the leader of his squad and his two goons. The leader ned can say just about anything to anyone while these goon neds are by his side, ready to hand out doin's. The goon neds find it necessary to give the finger to the camera again as their under formed brains can not resist the temptation to have that spasmic reaction in the middle finger. (Cheers Robert Winston)

A whole squad of neds here with their resident sengas. Again we have here a potential leader at the front, dressed like a clown. The sengas in the squad will always be competing for the attention of the leader clown and this is demonstrated here. Again we have a couple of people telling us how big something is. Why do they always do that?

This pretty little picture shows a bunch of neds posing for a group shot. This is a pretty normal squad with its goon ned at the back and potential wee cheeky ned at the front acting like a muppet in front of the camera. What is he doing? Pretending to fly? Or showing us how big something is? On a side note, I'm really impressed that they managed to get Zammo from Grange Hill in their squad.

Three young neds showing how hard they are with a quarter bottle of vodka and a bottle of ned juice between them. The one on the right stinks of wee cheeky ned and would quite often be found shouting high pitched gems at innocent passers by. If the picture went any further to the right we would probably see the protective goon hovering around him. We also see here a traineee DeNiro mouth but he isn't quite old enough to have perfected it yet.

I call this the orange picture for a multitude of reasons including clothes, sectarianism, and hair colour. The one on the left looks a bit like an older version of the wee cheeky ned and may soon graduate to dressed ned category. These two neds would probably walk around the street dressed like this to attract attention and act hard as they ignore any insults aimed at them. Even the guy in the poster behind is calling them a couple of wanks.

This photograph could show one of two possible scenarios. Either the ned in the picture is dragging two nedettes around with him bragging about what he's going to do to them or he is a family ned with his two daughters. Both options are equally unsettling. The nedette at the back is performing the common ned skill of balancing her curry sauce and chips with a poly bag on the same arm. That fork isn't stuck into anything, it's balanced, honest.

This generic squad of neds is doing one of the extremely common squad poses. One thing puzzled me about this picture in that there weren't any fingers pointing upwards or people telling us how big something was. I then examined the picture some more and realised that the picture was taken slightly too early for the neds to react and so their fingers weren't quite ready for the spasmic reaction to take place (they need at least 3 minutes notice and a run down of what a camera does). If you look closely at the hands of at least two of them you will observe the early stages of the finger going up and so a later piture probably exists of the same squad 'gieing the finger'. Columbo x

Check these three boy band posers. These three guys are hoping to look both cool and moody at the same time and the bottle of jake-tastic merrydown cider-piss only confirms this. Although all three of these are common neds, the one on the left is exerting his increased ned status on the other two by having his cap on his head tilted back at least 2 inches above his hair line, a sure sign that this ned thinks that he is slightly madder than the other two.

When I first saw this picture I looked at a few of the people and thought they may not actually be neds, but then my eyes drifted to the fud at the top of the picture, then down his stripy jumper and on to his trainers and I then realised these were in fact neds. This squad has an increased number of young sengas. These sengas are usually attracted to the less neddy looking squads so they can be pretend they're not really neds. But they are. The guy on the right is pure buckled. That was his first can of Tennents. It's still half full.

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