Okay, this may just be any other type of ned removed from a physical context, but I feel they warrant a distinctive category as they have some genuinely unique characteristics found nowhere else.
"I HAVE THE NEED TO LOOK BIG, PERHAPS TO COMPENSATE FOR HOW SMALL I FEEL IN MY ABUSIVE FAMILY HOME"
This is fairly common and some non-neds are guilty of adopting this capital persona. Why they want to make their thoughts more difficult for others to read is beyond me. I don't give such comments the time of day. Another vice popularised by the advent of "texting" and particularly loved by neds, is the alphanumeric type:"tho dis b far kwikr 2 type, it 2 bcumz far hardr to intrprt m8"
Again, I don't give this kind of comment the time of day. It's lazy and it's stupid. Now, neds aren't renowned for their grammar, and neds appear to be aware of this. That is why they cut their losses and ditch grammar altogether, full-stops included, creating an endless stream of text allowing for no breath:
"Whit d a need grammr fur am numr 1 ma fleeto will kick yr ass if a c u doon ra street am gonnae burst yay"
Another characteristic is the habit of typing as they would talk. The way they talk is guttural at best, so as you can imagine, this is an unforgiving assault on the English language. A noteworthy observation is that, as more African-American vernacular slips into every day language, such phonetic peculiarities such as "ra" are being replaced by "da" (both meaning "the", of course). Neds appear more taken by this perceived "gangsta" talk than the average person:"Haw shoutout ta aw ra/da boyz in ra/da partick fleeto!!!"
Another indicator of a ned's presence (particularly female neds) is the juxtaposition of upper and lower case letters flanked by many symbols, designed for the purpose of decoration but only achieving vulgarity. You've all seen it before:~~~~***LoRnA***~~~~ ^^^^SuZiE^^^^
Now, take all I've mentioned so far, and let's try adding it all together. This will be frightening so you were warned:"Y I WLD XPCT NE1 TO READ DIS MSSGE IS BYOND NE1 BUT ME NT EVRE1S BRAIN IS SLUDGE LKE MINE BUT WHT DA HELL!!!!"
***_-_-CaRoL-_-_***
For brilliant examples of all of the above, have a look at the guest book and it's many unwitting contributors. Also look out for the many popularity based jibes by internet neds. Probably the most important indicator of an internet ned is that they will ALWAYS assume everyone else uses the internet more than themselves. Geek, shut-in, or virgin anyone?
*~*~*WeBmAsTeR*~*~*
Why were neds even told about the internet in the first place?