The front page of this site is the usual pathetic array of crap ned pictures placed randomly with some slogans in between. No Surrender...etc. And 'Living The Dream' which is found throughout the site. If it's your dream to be part of a pack of greasy neds then fair enough. We have a menu here which links us to a number of different photo gallerys. There's not much else on this site but we do get an insight into the lives of these guys in their crappy wee shed (it looks like) drinking bucky. They also had a wee trip to magaluf! There are some youtube videos on this site too which are by and large shite but there's a good one with one of the neds getting knocked out with a cone...anyway, keep a look out for the ned who only ever seems to have a scotland shirt on. Not even the same one...marks, 4/10.

we are greeted with the usual 'welcome tae ma site troopz hope yeez enjoy it' which doesn't fill me with hope for this site. Then suddenly a music video kicks in (Mario-Let me Love you) which almost makes me close the page straight away but I stop the video and carry on. The 'aboot the troops' section is jam packed full of info..."i do djing at the youthy on a friday then i go and get a booz"...great. There's a picture of the author giving us a half hearted finger which doesn't impress at all. At least the other nugget is making an effort! We are also informed that 'maxy can be a dick sumtimes wen ur way burds', come on! a bit more info here!

The first photo page contains an array of weapons that I guess these little neds would like to have in their dreams. There is also a worrying picture with the caption 'hodgey way his sis ashley'. The guy and girl in the picture look worryingly close...page two of the 'photies' is generic and shows the usual ned site phenomenon where the author runs out of friends and puts pictures of random half dressed women instead. Page three contains a warning! 'if ur a burd dont look on this page', oh, I wonder whats going to happen here! Yeah, you guessed it. The fourth page contains no nudity,just a few picture of 'wee wijy'. He's great, I think he must be a hybrid of a wee cheeky ned and a mad ned. Overall this page is as pish as the rest of them and overly annoying with a crap music video on evey page. 3/10.

This site is another generic template with a load of photo pages. We are greeted on the front page by:

awrite bawza's!!!! (hello everyone)
This is ma home page.just fucked pics ae ma m8ts,burdz n minted cars on the site hope u enjoy it!!(This is a site with pictures of me, my friends and some motor vehicles on it, hope you enjoy it).
A made this 1 nite coz a wis bored n no cunt wis on msn.(This site took me 3 weeks to build because I'm slow. I built it to gain the respect of my ned friends and to look a bit mental. I think by pretending that I did it when I was bored makes me look more cool).

The photos on this site are nothing special. There's the usual array of neds drinking buckfast (only on camera, in reality they pour it down the sink). The photos are really good, especially the one of the fat kid in the celtic top, rather randomly this Ned has decided to photograph an arrangement of four bottles and a cigarette with the caption 'thats a class photy man!!', well it's not, it's shite. As you move through the pages we observe the quite common lack of attention span we see on most of these sites as the author starts to put random simpsons pictures and porn into the gallery.

This is a better effort than average but still shite. 3/10.

On opening the site we are greeted with the worst photoshop picture I've ever seen. This almost made me think that it was a piss take but no.....this is for real. Scrolling down the page introduces you to a list of the teams names with the usual 'almost made up they're so stereotypical' names. The lassie crew even contains a 'chantelle'! We're also encouraged by none other than DJ Walker himself to 'Go Tae this link 4 Ma Tunes'. I made this mistake. His tunes are shite. An inspection of the 'photies page' found nothing original. Just the usual array of spiky fringes, stripes and inbred looking people. The belters section (where have I heard that before?) contains a load of stuff taken from this site...and some old simpsons porn pictures. Overall I'd describe this site as 'fucking terrible'. 1/10.

We come to what is apparently the second effort from the Bowery Vandalz:

'THIS IS OOR 2ND SITE CIS THE LAST WAN WIS DLETED FIR SECTARIANISM N AW AT PISH :p'

The site contains a tribute to the Ulster Volunteer force and a number of loyalist songs stolen from other sites. The Bowery Mobs own attempts at composing rousing lyrics are predictably shite:
'Keep Anger at bay, Kill a smackhead today!!'
'A went tae a part wan saturday night, n the Gorbals Junkies they askd fir a fight, a wippd oot ma blade as fast as a flash, Bowery Boyz in yer face ya bas, the 1st cunt a met wis 6 fit 4 n a kneed im in the baws n he fell ae the floor, sqeeln n greetn like a wee wayne, so a took oot ma blade n a chibbd im agane'
As well as photo montages of its terminally ugly members, the Bowery Wee Mob page also contains pictures of numerous other 'Skeem teams', who brandish cheap booze and various stabbing weapons. To summarise, the Bowery gang site is much like their motto, ill conceived, utterly pathetic and slightly disturbing.

‘!wheeln, dealin, shaggn, steeln, bowery boys jus luv the feelin!'

"Smile its Sighthill Style" is the motto on the hame page to this next NED gang. However smiling is the last thing you'd be doing if confronted with this repulsive bunch of youths because 'Sighthill style' seems to consist of kicking the shit out of innocent bystanders:

'ABOUT 5AM BUTLER MA BRO HORTON RITCHIE N KENNY G WENT TO THE DODGER GOT STEAMIN THERE ON THE WAY HOME MA BRO N KENNY G WENT TO RITCHIE FOR A JOKE GOING BATTER THAT CYCLST SO RITCHIE DONE IT LOL THE BOY WENT FLYING GOT BACK UP N TRYED TO SET ABOUT RITCHIE SO RITCHIE DECKED HIM'.

The team have a tasteless introductionary page in which their names flash up in green lights. Clicking upon them reveals details about the members, mysteriously some actually seem to be employed. Favourite sayings include 'OOOOOOOOOOOOS', 'AW RIGHT PAAL' and most lame of all 'Hi', hardly the musings of great minds. Apparently these guys used to have a death row page but sadly it seems to have been deleted.

This bunch of inner city delinquents are, at least, refreshingly honest in detailing their highly unprofitable social life, witness the following list:

" awright troops wee dont day much man just the same shit all the time wee hing about doon
the black shop
the park
the shop
the bridge
n just walk about
up the hall"

They appear to spend their time at these hallowed locations smoking spliffs, drinking large quantities of bucky, pulling silly poses robbed from Gangsta Rap album covers, drawing little " Menchies " on walls and indulging in a spot of violence against neighbouring gangs.

" awright troops wee dont fight all the time man just when wee need tay or when wee want tay!!, wee fight with the halfway bums there no worth it man.all they day is throw shit man then run aff,.the other cunts ur carmanky (carmyle) they prob gee us the best fight out a the lot man bit er all bums man they run away sometimes tay? ,n wee dont even need tu try with the circuit wee send the wee boys over there man there just all bums man
i and dont forget this troops. westburn young toi butchers are on top and yes thay are still runing a mok !!!!!"

Upon entering the site, the viewer is greeted by a suprisingly sophisticated but rather irritating flash animation. This bunch of Neds seem to like making decorative circles of buckfast bottles dubbed 'BUCKFAST HENGE' and then posing in them. Others are pictured with various weapons including a baseball bat and a samuari sword. More photos and links are promised. wooo.

This bunch of NEDs have used some programe called teleatlas to give an overview of the scummy streets they live in, they have also seen fit to include a rather generalised analysis of the local area:

'the wifty is surrounded by 3 main schemez:
castlemilk tay (junkies)
blairbeth (worst ----- )
cathkin (blacknecks )'

The gang song is fairly shite but not bad in comparison to most others I've had the misfortune to look at:

'when i was a young man my father said to me are you a member of the mental yft i said yes sir father so dont you ---- with me for i am a member of the mental yft

i went to the court house the judge said to me are you a member of the mental yft i said yes sir judge so dont you ---- with me for i am a member of the mental yft

i went to the jail house the top man said to me are you a member of the mental yft i said yes sir top man so dont you ---- with me for i am a member of the mental yft'

This page has an amusing 'Dafties' page:

'this page iz gonnae huv pics a cunts wee fight against'

Having seen their gang I think they have a pretty good chance at beating the fuck out of fat Liam but no hope of taking on the 'fannies fae the Tay' who appear to be main subject of their contempt:

'no cum oan tae fuck who hings aboot wae there da when there going oot fur a booze joost shows how much shite bags these cunts ur'

I couldnt agree more.

This enterprising lad has included a photo of the local corner shop where he buys his buckfast from:

"RITE TROOPS IF YER NO FAE NULSON BIT YER IN THE NULSON AREA POP DOON TAE THIS SHOAP MAN AND IZZY WILL SORT YE OOT WAE EH FINEST BUCKFAST TONIC WINE......WIT TAE DAE IS BOUNCE PAST EH CHIPPY RITE N THEN YEL C ALLDAYS JUST KEEP GAWN MAN TAE YE C A SIGN SAYIN EH MAIN STORE MAN JUST GEE THE CUNT A 5 NOTE N THERE YE GO A BOTTO A WINE!"

I shall keep that in mind. Other sections include the now familiar commentary on the weekends proceedings most of which seem to involve throwing bricks at people.

"OAN THE WEEKEND ITS MUCH BETTER MAN ITS FUKIN MENTO WE GET THE BEVY GO DOON THE BRICKY GET STONNED AND GO A HEAVY MISSION SUMTIMES FIGHTS BREAK OOT BIT SE WHEN THE POLI CUM DOON EVERYBODYS OFF MAN TAE THE MAIN STREET AND THEY BAM THE INDIANS UP TAE THE 100% MAXIMUM IT SO FUNNY BIT THE PAKIS HINK THERE MAD JUST COZ THEY HIV NEW PALS THAT WORK IN THERE..."

Best of all is the inclusion of a gang song, truly these guys have talent:

IN THE LAND OF DIRT AND MUCK, NULSON FLEETO FIGHT LIKE FUCK !!!
A KNOW JURY, JURY KNOWS ME, CAUSE WE ARE THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMOUS N.Y.T !!!
IN THE LAND OF STONE AND ROCK NULSON LASSIES RUN A MOCK
IN THE LAND OF STONE AND CAVE NULSON LASSIES LOVE TO RAVE
Do you have a dream we are the NULOSN young team, everywhere we go, we run the show! Fuckin mental!!

Hey ho NULSON fleeto, everywhere we go, we fight with snooker cues and Stanley blades, stab the bastards jump back snooker cues go wack wack wack!!NULSON Fleeto Attack.

At first glance this site has nothing to offer beyond the usual Ned Site, the usual collection of shout outs and gang photographs. However click on the Chinatoon friends news and you will find an incredibly detailed description of exactly what the miserable little shits have been getting up to at the weekend:

"Every 1 met it the bk path n the park n Billy n Scotty foond Willy ko'd in the middle i the park lol n they walked up to the retail park to get a scran n we came otta mcdonald and a car full of stenny cunts pulled up n that fat cunt alan keirnan jumped out sayen whos wantin to go and scotty sayed i if ye want then billy came out mcdonalds and started abusen um"

"We wur headin home just after weve all scranned a mcdonalds and we see a cunt walkin hame wi a 16 inch pizza in his hand and we were still hank so we aksed um fur a bit n he said no ya morons so scotty billy n willy jumped um n stole a bit o pizza lol ."

"headin bk down to the college and a maddiston cunt walked past and sayed fuck the bog and pulled out a knife on us n billy hit um on the heed wi a brick and we chased um ."

And so on and so forth, the best ever argument for a police state.

I can't think of a shitter name for a disk jockey than D.J Leslie! This site contains music for download and pictures of NEDS trying to look hard. The songs include 'Hardcore Vibes Wae Scratchin', 'Kickin In The Beachball' (surely kicking the beachball) , 'Baby Lets Kick Hard' and All About The Money (Extreme Verison).

These lads showed some rudimentary marketing skill, publicising their website by scrawling the webaddress on the road. I liked the Ned chants on the front page:

"IN THE LAND A DURT AND MUCK THE CARNTYNE CREW FIGHT LIKE FUCK"

"KICK 2 KILL, SHAG 4 FUN, THE CARNTYNE CREW IS NO1"

"WE ALL CUM FROM CARNTYNE, WE DRINK BUCKFAST TONIC WINE, BUCKFAST TONIC WINE IS GREAT, COZ IT GETS U IN A STATE"

Clearly, one of them owns a rhyming dictionary. The picture pages are good but some of the photos are a bit blurred, either they havent figured out how to focus a camera or they are attempting to diguise their acne. The site is divided into pictures of Neds, Booze and various types of narcotics. What is rather annoying is that upon clicking to go to a different part of the website, an annoying popup comes up to tell you what you are about to look at, pretty good but needs some work.

AwRiTe TrOoPz wE fOuT wE wId MaKe A SiTe CoS dErEs nUtTiN eLsE tAe DaE n We WaNtEd TaE mAkE a BeTtA sItE tHaN aWw uZ dAfTyS!!!!

They failed. The site contains two full pages of elaborate, artistic but utterly unreadable 'menchies' and a few of the mandatory 'photies' pages. Poor.

It surprises me that Neds can put together a reasonably good site yet still be sub-literate. Appart from not being a bog standard template there is nothing about this site that makes it any different from the rest. 'Menchies', 'Photies', 'Shout Oots' and 'Dafties'. There's even a poll:

Who's The Biggest Pussys???
-The TOI fur teamin up wae the YMCA
-The YMCA fur wantin the TOIs back up
-The TAL fur bein TOI bum boys
-The TOI fur hivin 5 areas back them up! AW NAW!!!
-EGG (haha!!)

Some controversial local 'team' politics I think...Teaming up with the YMCA. God Forbid eh.

This Ned page is still clearly in its infancy, all the enterprising youngster has managed to do is scrawl some unintelligible rubbish on the front page e.g.:

"there will be a NOT A NED page fur aw u fuckin chess players and english bastards tae introduce yae tae the world of a glasga ned. thena Y.T.T NO FUCKIN 1 page tae tell yae aw yae need tae know aboot oor gang.reacent (slashings,boxes etc)"

Still, I'm an optimist and these are early days so I expect big things.

Listen to this guy!, didnt know the English language could be butchered this badly:

"Jis a little bit about wit we get up ti it n shit.. Well on fridays ma pals jis usually get a booze n stoat aboot a fun little place called widhull or either they jis sit in a gaff.. get mad wae it then cum oot.. Saturdays r better cos normally we jis fuck aboot durin the day then go ti the dancin it night.. We normally hit destiny or archaos.. Unless we'r skintoed tht week or summit. lol.. Durin the week we jis normally fuck aboot.. Few ae ma pals huv motors so u'l probs see them drivin aboot.. N thts about it really"

What a productive life you lead.

The people who made this site are fairly modest 'THIS IS OOR 1ST SITE SO IT MIGHT B SHITE!', and sadly it is. Amoung the pearls of wisdom on this site is the phrase 'Buckfast makes you fuckfast', no you moron it makes you fucked fast'.

'AW WE DAE IT THE WEEKEND IS SIT UP THE GOLFY N AW ER AUCHINAIRN N GET MAD WAE IT'

Getting mad with it rather predictably involves drinking a load of cheap booze and hurling abuse at passers by. The photos on this page made me laugh until milk ran out of my nose. There's even pictures of the crew on a trip up the campsies. Brilliant.

Out of all NED sites this is prehaps the greatest, I paticularly love his views on the elderly:

"These old fuckers in their groups form neighbour hood watch and like 2 snitch on us innoccent victims. They are constantly peakin oot their windows watching our every move. the auld bastards gee ye a mouth full then tell yoo no 2 b cheeky ( i find it hilerious how they know everyones parents:)) ) Any way these old fuckers wlkn aboot wae thur zimmers n wee electric motors take up 2 much room space and hospital beds so a say ye can through yer granny aff a bus so do ur part n end these old buggers lifes."

Also genius is the weapons section, a series of pictures of large knives complete with advice on how to survive on the tough streets of Glasgow. On the subject of how to deal with Triads the young NED writes:

"Wit can a say these fuckers r crazy mento and are always are in groups of at least 6, these tight eyed machete carrying spring links will go 2 town with anycunt as a few of my friends hav found out in archaos.....i say avoid these fuckers as they carry machete's unless ur carryin an uzi in tht case just shoot thum"

Make sure you sign the guestbook!

Read the 'History' section:

"We are the NMYT and we run the fuckin show We are called the North Motherwell Young Team because we are fae North Motherwell (well fancy that!) We are also called the Jawz Boyz coz everycunt used tae git stabbed oan the arse N thats basically fuckin it so fuck off n read another part e the site"

This bunch of lads are rather lovable, they have even taken the time to compose an ode to Buckfast, they do however claim to be the 'hardest' in Fife so be warned!.

“You are my Tonic my Tonic Wine, You make me happy of Friday nights and Saturdays. We love to drink the Tonic wine ,so please don’t take ma Bucky away.”

"Everywhere we go! People want to know! Who we are! So we tell them! Who we are! The PYB! Hardest in fife! Tonic drinkers! Lets all down are Bucky now!!! La La La La La"

This site belongs to the Village Young Scheme crew and if you believe the blurb they have access to machetes, numchucks and what looks like a samurai sword, I remain sceptical.

This is the home of the 209 crew, I have no idea what the significance of the number is.These lads are are fairly self confident about their fighting ability:

"WE DON'T TAKE NO SHITE FROM ANY CUNT WE'VE HAD 2 SHOW THE CADDER, LINDALE, MILTON & POSSO HOW ITS DONE...... SO ANY1 WANT 2 PROVE ANYTHING.

I think what I like about this site is the 'Fight Updates' section, sadly so far they only seem to have had one:

"24/02/04- FIGHTING WIV THE LINDALE AND THE CADDER. ONLY FEW OF THE BOYZ OOT THAT NITE BUT WE STILL WENT AHEAD NO NEED TO GUESS WHO WON." The front page features some lad called Tam.G who rather worryingly is pictured posing with an air rifle, clearly he is the neighborhood sniper! The rest of the site consists of rather random photo pages, Neds interspersed with soft core pornography and, rather surreally, pictures of Venice and sunset lit landscapes which are clearly the generic photos provided in web templates. What I think is rather cute is that they have spent time making their NED nicknames into rather attractive logos.

These lads don't give a fuck about the authorities 'FUCK THE POLIS 101%', they just had to go that one percent further. This site consists mainly of morbidly fascinating pics of Neds who abrieviate their surnames i.e Rocco B, Ally G etc.. .The main thing I like about this site is that in one picture caption they manage to miss-spell the word 'the' which I would have thought is the easiest word in the English language to get right.

"SOME OF EH TROOPS"

Class.

Another toryglen toi page? Maybe this is the nazi wing of the toryglen toi. Not to be outdone in the realm of political incorrectness, these Neds have adopted the swastika as their gang symbol. I was hoping for pictures of NEDs goosestepping and making Hilter salutes but the photos on this site are fairly standard Ned fare. They may not be burning books yet but they certainly arent reading them. This site is notable for its 'Worst Cunts' section, a rouge's gallery of Neds who this gang have taken a profound dislike to:

'LOOK IT THUM HEAVY WORST CUNTS DUNDE CUNTS A HEAVY SMACK HEED PJ THE PEDO JAMBOY WANABE TOKER TONY WIT CIN U SAY ABOOT THIS CUNT HE GETS CHASED AFF THE TINY TEAM GARY WORST CUNT ANTON STATE AE THIS PIC AE HIM HES THT DUMB HE DISNAE KNOW WERE HE IS KANE BIG EARED WANKER DONALD CHASES WEE BOYZ LIKE HIS BRO BENDINGFEILD '

A link on this site directs you to a href="http://www.toryglenboyz.tk/">http://www.toryglenboyz.tk/

which is really just more of the same, the only highlight is a bit of introspective poetry:

WHEN I WAS YOUNG

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I HAD SUM SENSE I CHASED THE SCHEME WITH A MONKEY WRENCH WE DID THE SAME TO THE GOVANHILL BOTH THE SCHEME WE R GONNA KILL NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA WHEN I WAS YOUNG IT WAS SO SWEET WE USED TO CHASE THE RUGGY FLEET BUT NOWADYS WE CHASE THE SCHEME THEY SMELL AE SHITE N THEY NEVER CLEAN NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA !!!!!!

Another bunch of Neds that call themselves the 'YOUNG POSSO FLEETO NO1' and appear to spend their spare time hanging around the bins drinking bucky. Not much of interest here at all except for the fact they have put a picture of the inside of their local off-licence on the front page. One rather bizzare photo shows a NED brandishing a wrench in one hand and what looks to be a cotton wool bud in the other.

These Neds have composed a number of gang songs, even by the usual dismal standards of Schemie chants these are fucking pathetic!.

'In this land of Hazy Dazy (What the fuck!!), widfarm Boyz r Fuckn Crazy'

its like a dream we are the widfarm young team, everywhere we go, we run the show! fuck yer ..............!! (If its a dream its a fucking nightmare!)

1team 1 scheme widfarm young team!!

Tweet tweet widfarm fleet. clap yer hands stamp yer feet

(Doing a bird impression isnt in the least bit intimidating!)

when i wis young when a hud sense a chased the yaldae wi a monky rench we did the same 2 the giffnock boys both of them were gona kill the aw

na na na na na na na na na na na na na

(So let me get this correctly, when you were young and hadn't blown out your brain cells with binge drinking you chased your victims with a monkey wrench, christ I hope I never meet you)

when a wis young it wis so sweet we use to chase the nullosn fleet but now dayz its the young stampy they rum like fuck n leave there tracks a dirt

na na na na na na na na na na na na na

(The astute observer will note that the ToryGlenBoys had a similar ditty, I sense a lack of originality amoungst the NED community)